Reversed
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Tifa's acting like a guy and Reno's...feminine! What's going on? ReTi oneshot.


Reversed

Reversed

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for all you ReTi fans. Please R&R.

Reno glared at Tifa, something she had been doing to him for the past few minutes. The couple had gotten into yet another squabble.

"Guys have it a lot tougher." Reno said.

"As if Reno, you wouldn't last a minute dealing with all the things women have to." Tifa replied.

"Whatever, I'm out of here yo. I'll see you tomorrow when you're off your period." Tifa flipped him off then but Reno just took the insult and walked out of Seventh Heaven. Tifa sighed and locked up, going home and then straight to her bedroom, quickly discarding her clothes and changing into her nightgown. Looking out the window she spied a shooting star.

"Reno should know what its like to be more feminine." Tifa muttered before falling asleep.

Reno looked up at the shooting star as it streaked across the heavens.

"Tifa needs to understand how guys think and then she'd see I was right." The Turk said to the night air. Coming to his house, he quickly went to sleep after removing his clothes, naked as the day he was born.

* * *

The sunlight bathed the world in a cheerful glow and a particular ray landed right on Tifa's face. Grumbling angrily, the Avalanche member got out of bed, disconcertingly scratching her butt and picking at a wedgie her nightgown had caused her. Stepping into the shower, she looked down at her body.

"I'm freaking hot." Tifa said aloud, wondering why she had never noticed before. The soap felt wonderful against her skin and she took extra time in applying it. Stepping out after about forty five minutes she looked at her reflection in the mirror. "Reno is really lucky to have us, huh hot stuff?" Tifa said to her reflection. She struck a strongman pose and noticed how muscular she was. Then she lifted an arm up and sniffed her armpit. Shrugging her shoulders she walked out of the bathroom and quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a white sweatshirt.

Reno woke up and looked down at his naked body. Blushing like a madman, he quickly went into the bathroom and started showering. What if someone had seen him naked? After finishing his shower Reno took an extra look at his body. Was he getting fat? Maybe he should start that new diet he had heard Elena mention at work. Then he noticed something else. His hair was a mess! Taking out some hair conditioner and gel he preened his hair for some time, taking extra special care. He couldn't stand to see himself with messy hair and Tifa would just dump him on the spot. His eyes started watering at that. Tifa was everything to him.

"I should go over there right now and apologize!" Reno said aloud. Then he noticed his hair was still a mess. "Maybe after a few more brushes…"

Tifa had just gotten out of her bedroom when Marlene came running up to her, a drawing clutched in her hands.

"Tifa look what I made!" Marlene proudly shoved the picture into Tifa's face and the barmaid wrinkled her nose at the girly unicorn on the paper.

"It's okay kid. Now why don't you go play Barbie or something, alright?" Marlene nodded and ran off, wondering for a moment why Tifa was acting so odd. Tifa continued on her way to the kitchen and opened her fridge. Low fat crud and organic garbage met her eyes. "Where can a girl get some damn bacon and eggs?" Then she spotted what she was longing for and in 20 minutes had a plate of three eggs with 5 strips of bacon along with some black coffee to wash it all down.

After her 3rd plate of this, Tifa felt full and let it be known by belching loudly. She patted her slightly rounder stomach and grinned. Just then there came a discreet series of knocks at the door and Tifa went to answer it.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Tifa said while she opened the door. Reno was standing on the other side, his hair styled fashionably and everything else about him clean and neat. This stood in stark contrast to Tifa who had managed to get some bacon bits and some egg yolk on her sweatshirt.

"Tifa what are you wearing?" Reno asked with horror in his tone.

"Whatever I want sexy. Now get that cute little butt in here." Tifa said, flashing Reno a cocky smirk. Reno blushed furiously but came in.

"Actually Tifa we need to talk about last night." Tifa rolled her eyes.

"Talk, talk, talk, is that all you ever want to do?" She said exasperation in her tone. Reno put his hands on his hips and glared at his girlfriend.

"Well at least I'm in touch with my feelings unlike some people."

"You know you're really hot when you're angry?" Tifa said, kissing Reno deep on the lips. Breaking apart from the kiss as fast as he could, Reno's face was as red as his hair.

"Tifa what if the kids see us?" Tifa just shrugged her shoulders and continued to make out with her lover. Just then the doorbell rang and Tifa groaned angrily.

"Ain't that just the way? You get in the mood and company shows up." Tifa muttered to herself, answering the door for a second time that day.

"WHAT?" She yelled at the person on the other side. Yuffie went wide eyed at her friend's behavior.

"Geez Tifa, wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Yuffie questioned.

"I was about to get lucky until you showed up." Tifa said angrily.

"Don't tell me you forgot what day it is today?" Yuffie asked.

"It's Wednesday Yuffie, duh." Tifa said.

"No silly, today's the day we go get manicures!" Yuffie said, grabbing Tifa by the arm and dragging her away. "And by the way what are you wearing? Did you run out of clothes or something?" Yuffie said as she walked on, heedless of her friends growing anger.

"Yuffie let me get back to making out with Reno or I will…" But Yuffie just kept on dragging her. Where she got this unnatural strength from Tifa would never know but for now all she could do was go with it.

* * *

Reno looked around at Tifa's kitchen taking note of the messy table and unwashed pan in her sink. He had a look of determination on his face and clapped his hands together.

"Right it's time to clean up!"

Tifa was in hell, she was sure of it. Some crazy lady was taking a file to her nails and she was expected to enjoy it?! She had to admit the woman did have a nice ass and although Tifa was straight, there was no harm in looking either. She sighed heavily and looked over at Yuffie who was smiling and looked like she was on Cloud 9.

"Hey Yufs, how about after this we'll go to Seventh Heaven and get hammered?"

"Tifa, what's wrong with you today?" Yuffie asked.

"Nothing, I just want to get this thing out of my damn memory."

"Alright, I'll go, but you had better go with me next week to the spa." Yuffie said. Tifa nodded her head and looked at the clock. Only half an hour left until she could get out of here.

Reno had finished his cleaning and was now sitting on the couch watching some TV. A soap opera had come on and he found himself entranced by the hammy acting and cheesy music. The love lives of Marco and Julianne were also intriguing. He watched with baited breath as Julianne was about to go into the room where Marco was sleeping with another woman.

"Don't go in there! He'll break your heart!" Reno cried out, but it was too late. Tears came to his eyes as he watched the ensuing heartbreak. Getting up, he went to the fridge and got a carton of Ben and Jerry's. Soon he was back on the couch, stuffing his face and crying even more. Marco had just chased after her and they were kissing.

* * *

After Tifa had unlocked the door to her bar, she quickly relocked it and went to turn on the big screen TV. Yuffie was sitting on one of the stools and looking bored as the football game came on. Tifa soon sat down beside her, a large tray of nachos in her hands along with three six-packs. Tifa opened one can and chugged the whole thing in less than a minute.

"Tifa, why are you doing this?" Yuffie asked. She sniffed the air then, smelling something rank and noticed the sweat stains underneath Tifa's armpits. Tifa held up a hand and silence reigned for a few moments.

"BURRRRRPPPP! Ah that hit the spot. Anyway, I'm just enjoying myself Yufs, c'mon have some beer and nachos, they're awesome!" Tifa said eyes glued to the screen the whole time.

"When in Rome…" Yuffie said to herself, taking a can from one of the six-packs.

Reno had gotten over his comfort food binge and was now drawing with Marlene. Although Tifa usually did that, Marlene didn't mind.

"Hey Mr. Reno, what are you drawing?" Reno showed her his picture and Marlene's eyes went wide. It was a fairy but drawn with such detail Marlene thought she could touch it.

"What do you think?" Reno asked.

"It's amazing!" Marlene said. Reno blushed a little and soon both continued their doodling and coloring.

* * *

Tifa's face was flushed from all the alcohol she had consumed. Yuffie was currently dancing on the stool and had removed her shirt, leaving her clad only in her bra. Tifa was getting hot just by watching her move.

"C'mon Yuffie, shake that money maker!" Yuffie needed no further encouragement and lowered her butt right in front of Tifa's awe stuck gaze, shaking it seductively. Yuffie then turned around and leapt at Tifa, sending the two friends colliding on the floor. Tifa started laughing and kissed Yuffie on the lips. Once they broke apart, Tifa groped Yuffie's butt tightly.

"You're really hot, yo." Tifa said, smirking.

"We…we should leave…" Yuffie muttered. "Then I can really love you up." She said, hiccupping a little.

"No babe, we should go get Reno and have a URP threesome!" Tifa said. Both inebriated women agreed to this and soon started walking home, Tifa having the presence of mind to lock the door.

Reno had just tucked Marlene into bed and was ready to read a romance novel he had found by the couch when the front door opened and he heard Tifa and Yuffie stagger up the stairs.

"Hey Re let's sex each other up!" Tifa said loudly. Reno put a hand to her mouth and tried to quiet her down.

"Shh! Marlene's sleeping…" Tifa looked at Yuffie and saw that the female ninja was snoring loudly in her arms. Tifa snorted at that and placed the ninja on the couch before picking Reno up bridal style. Walking to her bedroom, she flung the Turk on the bed and removed her food stained sweatshirt and pants. She ripped Reno's clothes off and pounced, tongue easily slipping into his mouth. Although it wasn't as romantic as Reno would have liked it to be, sex was still sex and he returned his lover's ministrations until spent, they both fell asleep, Tifa snoring loudly and occasionally scratching her butt as she had an itch that was bugging her.

* * *

The sunlight harshly illuminated the room and Tifa sat up rubbing her temples. How much did she have to drink last night? Beside her Reno's eyes opened blearily and he looked at his lover.

"Teef, what happened last night?" Reno asked.

"I don't know Re…" Just then memories were recalled by both Tifa and Reno. Looking at each other Tifa hugged onto Reno tightly.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you."

"It was my fault babe but let's agree not to mention this to anyone ever again, alright?" Reno said.

"Okay." Tifa agreed. Just then they saw Yuffie stumble into the room, obviously still intoxicated.

"HIC Hey Teef ready for that threesome?" Yuffie said. Tifa's face turned crimson and the ninja leaped onto the bartender, kissing her deep on the lips. Reno got her off of his girlfriend but soon found himself tackled by Yuffie. "You really know how to pick 'em." Yuffie said to Tifa before kissing Reno. After breaking apart, Yuffie stretched her arms and collapsed onto Tifa, hands groping her butt tightly. The bartender tried to move but she couldn't, Yuffie's grip was too strong.

"I can't wait until she's sober yo." Reno said, smirking. Tifa just rolled her eyes and hoped Yuffie wouldn't freak out too much when she regained her senses.


End file.
